Forever Gus’ Mom.

I left this page blank when I started “blogging” with the exception of the phrase above because I did not know what to say.  I did not want to make a list of the things that I think “I am” because I was afraid it would suggest that I have achieved some measurable form of success in them.  I can tell you about what “I try” to be – a loving wife, a strong mother of two adult boys, a thoughtful daughter and daughter in-law, a helpful sister to my three other siblings, a caring friend to the many friends I am grateful to have, a dedicated worker to the job I’ve had since I graduated from college, and still fun to hang out with (especially if there is tequila).  I can also make a list of the things I enjoy, like reading (anything) and traveling (anywhere); what I do compulsively, like cleaning (and purging) and exercising (indoors in air conditioning); or what I wish I could do for a living, be the next Gabriel Garcia Maquez (I like to aim high). I know I am not the first or the last mother to lose a child and then write about it.  I am in the unfortunate company of many wonderful women who are far more insightful and inspirational than I even hope to be.

I only know that I have no logical or even spiritual answers for my loss but that I am willing to go to the ends of the earth in search of them.  In that way this blog may be just different enough to keep some people interested and give others hope.