Knocking on Heaven’s Door – Part One


Hello… heaven?…

Grief, like being Mexican, has a way of making you do things you might not otherwise have done. Only a Mexican would eat a piece of fruit with lime, salt and lots of chile and only a grieving mother would consider going to a medium but I am both, so when it seemed like a medium was calling me, I went.

Shortly after returning from our walk in Spain, I was channel surfing my favorite radio presets when I came across my “latino” station in the midst of their “medium” segment. I’ve been a fan of the station for years and I had never heard this type of segment so I stopped and listened to it for a while before turning it off.  Had that been the only time that I heard the medium I would have never gone, but as it happened it seemed like every time I was in the car for the next few weeks I caught that very segment.

As far as I could tell, the medium, AJ Barrera, was really good although what did I know? My only exposure to mediums were on TV via the Ghost Whisperer and Crossing Over with John Edwards. AJ though, appeared to be specific about dates and names, not just throwing out “I am getting an “A” name”.  It was even more impressive because his readings were over the phone and therefore he could not be “reading” the person in front of him. So, I acquiesced to the universe and looked him up on-line, discovering that not only was he local, but that he was having a “spirit circle” a month away.  My first thought was to go by myself – in secret – just in case it didn’t t work out. What if it was just “mental-ism” like on the Mentalist or Gus’ spirit did not even show up? but, as I was signing up I noticed that there were two spots left and decided I should at least ask my husband who to my shock said he would go.

It was only after I paid the small fee that I looked at the small print.  The session was scheduled to last an hour and the sold out group would consist of eight.  While everyone was guaranteed a reading, we’d get what – fifteen minutes?  I began to fret.  How could I be so gullible?  Could they look us up? How would I prevent myself from leaping to conclusions?  I was tempted to cancel when we received an e-mail confirming our attendance at the spirit circle on Saturday May 25th, but then I thought..What if Gus came through?

When the day finally arrived, we were a mess of nerves.  We left and arrived far too early for the session and were forced to sit in the car until it was time to go in.  I concentrated on asking the universe for a small favor, to let us be the only ones in the circle, while Paul made sure we were “unreadable”, no Gus pendants, no letters, nothing with us that could give us away.  When it seemed like we’d waited enough, we went in.

We were received by a much younger man than we’d imagined.  AJ is young, twenty-eight but his baby face makes him look even younger.  He has the kind of face that puts you at ease right away, the kind that says trust me – I told myself not to.  He led us into the living room of his home where two other ladies were already waiting.  My heart sank, I had hoped to be alone.  We talked about the things people do when they don’t know each other; the sun, the LA traffic, the holiday weekend while we waited for the other four.  They never showed up.

What I am about to share with you is what he told us – word for word.  We have a recording of the entire session and I spent hours making sure I wrote down exactly what was said.  The skeptic in me says he must have read us like an open book.  There are lots of things that are obvious, like the fact that everyone has a grandparent that’s passed over, or that a couple showing up together has likely lost a child. I admit that at times we offered more than we should have verbally and perhaps non verbally but there are lots of things he could not have known or that we can’t imagine him going through the trouble to find out just for our sake. Most impressive is that more often than not he did not even look at us directly but down and to the side.  So here it goes…..

AJ:          Actually I’ll start with you guys first of all.  How are you guys related please?

Us:         Husband and Wife

AJ:          Ok. So the first thing I do want to bring up here. I actually have an older gentleman that does step forward first of all this will actually be most like a dad figure that has passed over. If anything I actually feel like I am directed with you. So what was your name again? Paul?

Us:         Paul

AJ:          I want to link with you so do you know your dad’s side of the family pretty well?

Us:         Pretty much, yeah.

AJ:          Ok. Do you know if his father has passed over please?


Paul’s Grandfather Raymond – The parallels we forgot is that although our older son is not biologically Paul’s, I named my son Ramon – spanish form of Raymond.

Us:         Yeah  [Paul’s grandfather lived in Iowa, Paul was much closer to his mother’s father so it was a surprise to have this grandfather come forward.]

AJ:          Ok. I want to lead with him and your dad is still here?

Us:         Yeah

AJ:          Ok. I need to acknowledge like his side and need give the love to his son. I don’t know if your dad is open to this work but I need to acknowledge that type of energy. When they bring this up for me like your grandfather is making me feel like I need to acknowledge you.  So I don’t know if there is actually parallels in dates or parallels in names that I am actually supposed to bring up here, but there’s like a times two so where is that connected please?

Us:         (Silence we are totally blank…….)

AJ:          Is there like parallels in names like your first name is like someone else’s middle name?

Us:         Uh. Yes. My dad’s middle name is his dad’s name.

AJ:          Ok. So that would his way of acknowledging his son and acknowledging the energy. So again, I don’t know if your dad is open to this work, but he does want to step forward and wants to acknowledge his son type of energy as well.  They are also bringing up for me to talk about April so where is April connected at here?

Us:         (More silence…)

AJ:          Connect it to your dad’s side.

Us:         No. I don’t…  It’s not coming to mind right now.

AJ:          I still feel like I’m here with you (pointing at Paul).

Us:         April? No.

AJ:          And where is like the hard like J or G name connected here?

Us:         Still Blank

AJ:          Where is like a George or Joseph?

Us:         There is no one I don’t…there is a Raymond is a….

AJ:          UH. UH. Don’t give me names.

Us:         Oh sorry. No I don’t…Not…

AJ:          And this person is still living they are not passed over.

Us:         (Still Blank) [We never did figure this out]

AJ:          Is your dad one of four?

Us:         No. Two.

AJ:          So its April connected.  They keep bringing up four, four, four.

Us:         No.

AJ:          That’s ringing is huge, so the four is very significant how they are showing it to me.

Us:         I don’t know. I can’t think of it can you? I can’t think of it either.

AJ:          Is someone born like on the fourth of a month, like January fourth, February fourth?

Us:         No.

AJ:          They are bringing this four like huge, this is like huge, they are not letting this go.

Us:         Cameron is born on the fourth I think… of February? [Cameron by the way is not born on this day]

AJ:          That’s fine as long as it’s the fourth, who is Cameron connected to?

Us:         Paul’s side, my nephew, my sister’s son…

AJ:          (Pause) And is there a separate energy for you (pointing at me) like a mom figure passed over?

Us:         For me?  Yes.

AJ:          But mom is still here?

Us:         Yes


My grandmother Elvira – the four connection we could not think of – her birthday was November 4th and my mother had four children – duh….

AJ:          Then I want to link this onto to your mom’s side of the family, so I don’t know if you know your mom’s side of the family but there is definitely an older female that does step forward like a mom that steps forward but she’s making me feel like I need to acknowledge these parallels, so I don’t know if there is like parallels in dates or parallels in four connection but I feel like I need to acknowledge that type of energy so I don’t know how well your grandfather knew like your sort of energy, like your family now but there is definitely a feeling that he steps forward and wants to acknowledge you guys and wants to acknowledge like the ties that bring you guys together.  I don’t know if you are recently married or you guys been together for quite some time but there is a part that he wants to acknowledge like and the female figure that I want to step forward.  With this female figure there is a part of it when she talks about her passing, like I feel like this was more like respiratory how it happened, I feel like it’s more of a natural thing, I don’t feel like it was like was a tragic event as how it happened.  Do you understand that please?

Us:         Yes [My grandmother did not recover from surgery for a brain aneurysm but she continued breathing on her own for a while after she was taken off the respirator]

AJ:          And there is a part of it that she is also bringing up for me, now they are bringing up for me … is there also like a Margaret or Marie connected here?

Us:         Um Marie? [Me not trying to leap to conclusions.]

AJ:          Yeah – who is like the M – R name connected to.

US:         My mom, Maria?

AJ:          Ok. So that would be her way of acknowledging her daughter giving her love to your daughter.  So your mom’s mom is passed over?

Us:         Yes.

AJ:          So it would be her way of acknowledging her. So the only reason they give the names is to acknowledge these individuals. I don’t know if you knew your grandmother well in life, but she is making me feel like I need to give the love to you as well.  The unique part about her is that she wants to definitely be like the mom energy, not the grandma energy so there is a part of her that she wants to let you know “I wanna give love” but she comes across as a very, very dominant energy almost like a male’s energy where she kind of pushes your loved ones out-of-the-way (pointing at Paul) and says this is my turn this is like my type of show as well. She is also bringing up for me, now I don’t know if this is either on your level or I need to drop it younger. Is there a younger energy passed over for you guys as well? I have to acknowledge. Is this yours? (pointing at me) or both of you guys?

Until next post…….

1 thought on “Knocking on Heaven’s Door – Part One

  1. Pingback: Meditation – An Introduction | The Upside(s) of Grief

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s