I left off just as Gus was “coming through”. I admit the first part with Paul’s grandfather and my grandmother was somewhat generic. The spirits were just sending love and promising to be with us but what he was about to tell us about Gus and then Paul’s mother would be far more specific and really the capture the “spirits” of Gus and his Nana.
AJ: Is there a younger energy passed over for you guys as well? I have to acknowledge, is this yours? (pointing at me) or both of you guys?
Us: Both of us
AJ: Both of you guys; Ok – I have to acknowledge that grandma is bringing through a younger energy and she wants to acknowledge that it is over there with me as well. When they bring this energy it makes me feel like it’s a ball of energy, so it makes me feel like its vibrant, its vibrant, its vibrant. And they are also bringing up for me, now I can totally misinterpret this but I actually feel like there is no responsibility connected to this energy, so like there is a point if they push responsibility and no blame is connected here so I feel like there was no way of preventing it, no way of stopping it. Do you understand that? And there is a part that I am actually supposed to bring up here, now this…would this actually be a young energy? Not someone that is older? This wouldn’t be like someone who is eighteen, twenty right?
AJ: Here is the thing and I am going to be completely honest with you guys, I actually feel like a young energy … like a kid. I don’t know if there was life expectancy with this energy but there is part that I feel like I need to talk about like “I am living my life” and “I’m growing up with you guys as well.” They are also bringing up for me to talk about August. So where is August connected at?
Us: That was his name.
AJ: So it would be just their way of acknowledging and their way of stepping forward as well and there is a part of it that they want to step forward for you that “we’re here for you as well” I don’t know how long ago the individual passed away, you don’t need to tell me, but there is a part of it they are making me feel like “I am well adapted on this side” and “I want to come through for you guys”, the part with the energy is that and this will sound very unique, um… are you familiar with the radio flyer, like the little red wagon? Is there a reason why I am actually supposed to bring that up? [AJ told us he communicates with the “other side” through his “spirit guides” so the “they” must refer to them]
Us: He had one.
AJ: Do you guys still have it?
AJ: Make note to it. I don’t know why they are bringing up here, I don’t know if this is something I need to make note of like it moves by itself, I have no idea but there is a part of that the energy is saying that “I’m still around this wagon” so if it’s a toy wagon or actually a big wagon I need to acknowledge like the radio flyer type of thing, that “I am still around you guys” as well.
AJ: The part with your energy is that it’s making me feel like, and I’m being completely honest, it’s almost like I’m here and then I’m gone. Like I don’t, and I’m being completely honest, like I feel like a part with it’s that it’s not that they did not know what happened it just happened that’s the type of energy they are bringing up here; but they are also bringing up for me like, do you know if there was anything going on with its like blood stream that I have to bring up here? Like, either something was enlarged?… When the individual, your son did not, your son? He didn’t internally bled-out or bleed-in did he?
Us: No. He had a…He had an infection.
AJ: Ok. He is bringing up his blood disease like whatever happened in his blood, but he is making me feel like something internally happened with him so and I’m sorry to be personal here but do you if this actually physically shut down his whole system?
Us: Yes [Gus died of Septicemia, his internal organs shut down one by one over less than twenty-four hours]
AJ: Ok. I need to acknowledge, I don’t feel like this was one thing that happened as if it was a heart attack, an aneurism, you know what I mean this isn’t something that slowly deteriorated but I feel like it just snowballed with him, do you understand that? And there is a part of it that he makes me feel like I need to acknowledge you (pointing at Paul). So I don’t know if you still communicate with your son but he wants to acknowledge Dad, Dad, Dad and Happy Father’s Day because it’s coming up so I have to acknowledge, he wants to be like the father, he still wants to be like the dad type of energy around you, and still wants to kind of like, what I am seeing and don’t take the wrong way but like my dog going around my leg so I feel like it’s that the energy that it still wants to be connected with you still wants to hug you as well and they are also bringing up for me now, was August not supposed to be his name though?
Us: [We giggle but don’t offer any more info. No one called him August but Gus and since we didn’t give him a middle name, he always wanted one and gave himself the name Zach.]
AJ: Or two am I actually supposed to call him by a different name? Ok He is making me feel like I am not supposed to call him by like his name or I am actually supposed to call him by a different name and he wants to acknowledge like “I want to joke around about this”, “I want to joke around about this” as well and there is a type of energy, and don’t take this the wrong way, but I have to direct it to either to you mom because he is making me feel like “mom it’s not my fault”, “mom it’s not my fault” – so if there is either responsibility that you feel like you personally could have prevented it or stopped it, I need to let you know – I need to dust my hands clean from the situation and I need to let you know that “I made it over there safely”. (Medium pauses looks off to the floor) Would he be over five? [I did feel and sometimes still do feel responsible that I did not prevent his death. I missed the clues and didn’t push harder to get another treatment.]
AJ: Would he be eight?
Us: He was ten.
AJ: Where is like the eight significant at?
Us: He’d been ok (in remission) for eight years.
AJ: For eight years he was sick?
Us: No he was fine for eight years and then he got sick again.
AJ: (Pauses. Looks off to the side). Were you guys… Were you guys refusing medical advice… with your son? Like meaning like you guys were supposed to put on a respirator but took him off or like you were supposed to give him meds but you didn’t do it? Like they are showing me A. M. A. which represents “against medical advice” so is there something that you guys should have had done or something the doctors should have done but you guys didn’t do it?
Us: I… I don’t know, I mean we were trying to get him to…there is the stem cells thing but that wasn’t really against medical advice.
AJ: Like how, like what were you going to say?
Us: Well we opted not to follow through on one protocol of one treatment. [We refused to return his stem cells immediately after one of his treatments because they warned us that while they are “cleaned” some cancer cells can still get by. It would take a long time but his bone marrow could recover on its own, he relapsed anyway.]
AJ: Was that both of you guys’ decision?
AJ: Here is the part of that, he is making me feel like I need to acknowledge this thing so if you guys feel like you should have done it, you should have went into it, again whatever the situation is like don’t feel responsible that you guys should have done it because I feel like it would have happened anyway and I’m sorry to be blunt about it but I feel like this energy already made its transition you know what I mean, it’s already on its verge and the part of it about this energy, it wants to validate for you is that (gardener makes lots of noise) sorry…sorry about the noise let me close this door real quick guys I don’t want to be distracted (closes door) but I feel like to make sense of what’s happening there is a part of it that I need to acknowledge the medical thing that happened like prior to the situation, prior before the passing and I feel like I need to let you know do not worry about that as well. They are also bringing up for me…like do you… you guys don’t have a collie?
Us: No we had one. I had a collie a long time ago. [This one really got us, not even Gus knew the collie, it passed before he was born and note he did not just say “dog” but collie – the collie’s name was Laddie]
AJ: Is the collie passed over?
AJ: I have to let you know he has the collie with him. (We start to laugh) I have to let you know he is with him on the other side because to me he is petting the dog (makes petting motion with his hand) to me he looks like Lassie but he is showing me the collie he has it on the other side. He also wants to validate that we are part of the energy, we are part of the family so again whatever time frame has passed he wants to let you know we are still together, we are still one big family. But I don’t know if he knew your grandmother in life but he wants to let you know “I need to thank grandma for doing this and I need to thank grandpa for doing this” basically, these other loved ones for bringing through this energy. The part with your son’s energy though is that, it’s like…I don’t want to be rude about it but it’s like he already knew but I don’t know if you guys told him what was going to happen because there is a part that I feel like there was a knowing that was there, like it’s almost like he knew he was going to make his transition, like he knew what was going on, like I don’t feel like this kid wasn’t aware of the situation but he is just making me feel like it just happened. — [We never told Gus he had “cancer”, we never told him he might die, actually he was doing really well despite the second relapse with his chemo. His death was not expected when it happened]– Do you know, and I don’t want to be personal here, (pause) do you know if he actually, and I don’t want to be blunt with this but did he like just pass away in his bed?
Us: Yeah, well not in his bed he was in a hospital bed.
AJ: He was in a medical bed because I feel like “I didn’t wake up”, like I feel like “I fell asleep and didn’t wake up” there is that type of thing that he is bringing up here so I don’t feel again like this was a cardio thing but I almost feel like I took my last breath and he wants to validate like “I’m still breathing”, “I’m still breathing” so if there is an issue that happened here within respiratory he wants to validate that I am still committed to being with you guys as well. He is also bringing up for me like if I first walk into your front door, I actually feel like I am directly into your living room but I feel like off to the left is an offset dining room, is that correct?
Us: Off to the left? No that is the living room.
AJ: Ok, then I need walk to be in there. Do actually have a memorial in there of him?
AJ: I need to acknowledge whatever is up or whatever is put out, he wants to let you know “thank you for doing this” so if this is even some sort of, I don’t even want to call it a shrine but I feel like it’s more like memorabilia in some sense he wants to let you know “I’m known for this” and “people see me”. Do you understand that?
AJ: And there’s a part, he didn’t have like a, and this is going to sound funny to you, you know the Little Rascals?
AJ: You know Spanky?
AJ: Did he? Is there a hat that I am actually supposed to bring up that he has? You know how like the little spins?
AJ: Is there a hat that I am actually supposed to bring up or is there a reference that I am actually supposed to bring up to like the bowl hair cut? Did he have a bowl hair cut? I don’t know where he is going with this. But I feel like it’s about his appearance about either what he is wearing or what his hair looked like. So they are showing me Spanky. So I need to acknowledge this.
Us: Oh, he had no hair so and he used to cover it up with a hat.
AJ: I need to acknowledge that he has his hair back, that he has his hair back because I feel like he wants to joke around about his looks and appearance and he wants to acknowledge that “I’m normal again” and I feel like with his type of energy he wants to me to feel like you guys weren’t hurting him. So I don’t know if there was fear that you guys were putting him through trauma, or you guys were putting him through the situation, but he’s making me feel like (chuckles) “it’s all good” like, “it’s all good” like there is a part of his energy that “I’m still alive”. I’m also supposed to bring up here, do you also have another younger energy, female energy connected here like still living?
Us: Um. I mean nieces.
AJ: You don’t have another daughter? I mean you don’t have a daughter? You are not pregnant are you?
Us: Not that I know of.
AJ: (Very awkward pause) I don’t want to get too personal but are you guys trying to have another kid?
Us: No but we are not preventing it.
AJ: Here is the thing that I feel like I need to bring in a female energy not a male energy so if someone just had a child that would make sense, if someone is going to have a child that would make sense but if none of that I need to bring up a new energy coming in. So it means like you’re pregnant, you are going to get pregnant, um…I’m fluttering that is why so when someone is fluttering I know there is a baby situation going on.
Us: Ok. That would be his gift to us, I guess. [No – I am not pregnant, at my age that would be a miracle BUT my cousin did give birth to a beautiful baby girl April 2014.]
AJ: No I feel like it’s his way of acknowledging that circle of energy so if there is something you guys are… try not to stop it because I feel like there is a new energy so if this is something you guys choose to do, I feel like there is a new energy coming in. So it’s his way of kind of acknowledging himself and acknowledging that circle of energy as well. Why would he bring up for me like…was this individual really hooked up to like IVs and everything?
Us: Yes, a lot.
AJ: Like I mean… like poked and prodded, like the whole nine ok… there is a part of it that I feel like this child is actually to me an old soul type of energy, it’s almost like it’s lived it’s life and it’s making me feel like “I’ve done this before and I was actually here to assist you and help you”. I feel like with your son’s energy with both of you guys, is that even though your son passed away there is a part that he is making me feel like, you guys still haven’t gone through the grieving process and truly let go of that situation. It doesn’t mean that you guys have to forget about him but it is to help you guys move forward because he is making me feel like “mom and dad” he is showing me green lights over on both of you guys which represents to let go and to move on. It doesn’t mean to detach from the situation but just know he is part of your life and I feel like in some sense I want to lead with dad more so than mom, it is almost as if you feel guilty for being happy. You know what I mean, so it’s like if you are not happy it’s just like I should be thinking about my son, I should not be happy and having a good time and he is like “dad you need to have a good time, dad you got to enjoy your life”. And they are also bringing up for me, they are bringing up a boat around you so I don’t know if you guys are going on a cruise or if you are going on a trip, but he is bringing up a big boat that’s around you. So why is the boat significant here?
Us: We went on a trip recently [We thought he was talking about Spain.]
AJ: Was it a cruise?
AJ: What is the boat referencing?
Us: Oh We were supposed to go on a cruise but then he got sick again. [We had booked a cruise to Baja the year he relapsed that we never took.]
AJ: Was that because of him?
AJ: Make the cruise happen. Take the cruise. He will be there for that event, because I feel like I need to acknowledge like bringing the enjoyment of having a good time so if it’s something you felt you know we couldn’t do it because you had to spend more time with your son, our son if you will, he wants to let you know mom and dad enjoy that time and make it happen as well.
It will take another two posts to finish our “reading” with AJ. He actually spent more than forty minutes just with us. ALSO – we are taking the cruise. The entire family is making that trip happen in less that two weeks and just to prove that Gus is always helping us – Carnival honored our previously paid and “lost” deposits for everyone.